Welcome to HerMind Matters.

HerMind Matters is a reflective space created to explore the many layers of women’s lives—honestly, thoughtfully, and with care.

Here, you’ll find writing on topics that shape how we think, feel, and relate to ourselves and others. Some pieces may focus on specific challenges, such as identity, relationships, boundaries, or life transitions, while others will offer space for reflection, self-development, and gentle curiosity about the inner world.

This is a space for slowing down, making sense of things, and feeling a little less alone in the experiences we carry. Scroll down for blog posts!

Alongside these reflections, HerMind Matters will also host a “Question of the Month”—an opportunity for you to anonymously share a question, dilemma, or situation you’d like insight on. Each month, one submission will be selected and explored in a thoughtful and considered way.

Please note that while this space draws on psychological understanding, it is not a substitute for therapy or individual therapeutic advice. Instead, it offers thoughtful, compassionate reflections and general guidance for the everyday complexities of being human.

At its heart, HerMind Matters is about connection - to self, to others, and to the shared experiences that shape us. Whether you’re here to reflect, to learn, or simply to feel understood, you are warmly welcome.

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If you’d like to submit a question for the “Question of the Month”, you can do so via instagram direct message @hermindpsychology or fill out the form below.

April’s Question of the Month

Pregnancy is not my whole personality, but people are treating me like it is.

I’m currently 25weeks pregnant, which I’m very grateful for and happy about. However, I also feel a sense of loss for the life I currently have, as once the baby comes nothing will ever be the same again. Despite really wanting this, I don’t feel as excited now as everyone seems to want me to be. Every conversation anyone has with me now, centres around me being pregnant and they ask me ‘are you excited?!’, to which I provide all the performative answers I think I should respond with. It makes me feel like a fraud. I get asked different questions about the pregnancy, which I know comes from a place of love and care, but it feels like no one asks me about anything else anymore. I’ve also never felt so isolated and lonely, and the fake conversations I’m having with people I don’t think are helping with that. I’m not sure how to get my sense of connection back with people, and would appreciate reflections/thoughts on how I might do that.

Feeling Lost (32)

Dear Feeling Lost,

Thank you for sharing this. What you’re describing is a difficult but common experience, even if it’s not often spoken about. Pregnancy can hold both anticipation and a sense of loss at the same time, a recognition that life as you know it is going to change in ways that are difficult to fully grasp. Wanting this and feeling unsettled by it are not contradictions, they’re part of the same experience.

It sounds like what has been particularly difficult is how others are relating to you. When conversations consistently centre around the baby, it can begin to feel as though your identity has been reduced to this one part of you. It’s okay to want to be recognised as more than your pregnancy. Your identity hasn’t disappeared, it’s expanding and shifting, and it’s natural to want that to be acknowledged by others. Even when it comes from care, being repeatedly asked if you’re excited can feel quite narrowing, as though there is only one acceptable emotional response, leaving little space for anything more complex.

I’m wondering what it is about those interactions that feels most activating for you. Sometimes it’s not just the question itself, but what sits underneath it, perhaps a sense of not being fully seen, a pressure to respond in a certain way, or something about the reality of change being brought into sharper focus. It can sometimes touch on quieter, less spoken-about thoughts around motherhood itself, such as fears, uncertainty, or questions about what this new role might mean for you and your identity.

You also spoke about feeling isolated and lonely, which feels important to explore. When conversations feel surface-level or performative, it can create distance rather than connection. It might be helpful to gently reflect on what feels difficult about sharing your feelings with those closest to you. You might be wondering how they will respond, or what it might mean about you if you’re not feeling how you think you “should”. These are common concerns, especially when it may feel like there are strong expectations around what pregnancy is meant to feel like. Rebuilding that sense of connection might not require big changes, but small moments of honesty with people who feel safe enough. Allowing yourself to share something a little closer to how you actually feel, rather than what’s expected of you, can begin to open up more genuine connection.

At HerMind, we think a lot about the role of community in moments like this. Many expectant mothers have similar thoughts and feelings, even if they are not always openly shared. It can be hard to connect when it feels like the only emotion being expressed by others is excitement. Finding those within a community who you can relate to, and who can hold space for a fuller range of experiences, can be really helpful in reducing that sense of isolation.

Alongside this, it might be helpful to think about what helps you feel like you outside of the pregnancy, and how you might bring more of that into your conversations with others. This could be as simple as sharing parts of your life that feel important to you or gently guiding conversations beyond the baby. People are often well-intentioned, but may not realise how focused their questions have become. Staying connected to your interests, routines, or sense of self can help maintain a feeling of continuity during a time that can sometimes feel consuming.

Finally, it’s worth saying that there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. Big life changes rarely come with just one emotion. It’s okay for things to feel complicated. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way at times.

Your mind matters 🩷

- HerMind Matters